Boni Oian, Certified hypnotist and teacher of the Akashic Records, contributed this article to BusinessNewsDaily's Expert Voices: Op-Ed & Insights.
The consistency I see while conducting classes on helping others figure out what they want in life is that when I ask people what they want, they really don't know. Not only do they not know what they want, their whole self-esteem shuts down.
There are varying reasons for this.
Some people have never thought about what they wanted. These people have been told what to do their whole lives and really don't know they have a choice. Nor have they exercised the muscle of thinking about what they want and making choices.
Others have given up on even thinking about what they want because they don't believe they are entitled or worthy to have what they want. They may believe they don't deserve what they want because of their thoughts or actions in the past.
Yet others are afraid if they ask for what they want and they get it and it really isn't want they want, they are stuck with it. They don't understand the whole process of continually making corrections as their needs and wants change and this sometimes comes from having to be right the first time.
Some people simply don't want to be accountable for voicing what they want in case others ridicule them for wanting it. This is usually from the fear of what 'they' will say.
Before the question is asked, my students are outgoing and cheerful, after the question, the reaction is fearful.
So the process I use to help them overcome these obstacles is to ask what they don't want in their lives or at least what they have that isn't perfect yet. Everyone knows what they don't want. Then they convert what they don't want into what they may want, and then into something they want that aligns with their values.
For instance, most people don't want credit card debt. What they do want is the ability to buy things instantly and conveniently. So a love/hate relationship is activated from their past. They love the instant and convenient part of using a credit card and hate the debt and the pressure to come up with the money to pay it off.
So this relationship takes on the appearance of many of the relationships in their lives, love at first, and then pressure to meet obligations. This reinforces their original belief that all relationships are of this nature, love/having what I want — hate/obligation.
Once this original belief is revealed, the root cause of what is creating what they don't want in their life can be consciously changed. They can decide if they want to keep it or not. If they are willing to give up the love hate relationship belief, they can choose what they want to believe. This will put the power back in their hands instead of being a victim of the credit card.
So, choosing now to feel empowered, they decide to love the fact that someone trusts them to loan them the money for a month so they can have the convenience and immediacy of buying what they want. Then when it comes to paying back the money, they feel honored and pay it with gratitude. Thus changing the relationship they have with credit cards.
Knowing there is always the choice of continuing down the same road, start asking yourself the real question, 'what do you want?' Empowering questions lead to empowering answers.
The views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher.